Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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