After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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