filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
