I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it because I queefed?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
