I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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