Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
