The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
