I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
