Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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