have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
