I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
