I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
