Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
