I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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