hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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