im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
