I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
