if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
