You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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