we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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