My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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