Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
