If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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