I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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