How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i now understand why vodka
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
