that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
