tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
