I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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