Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
