you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
