The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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