filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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