He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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