I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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