So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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