I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
