I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
