"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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