The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
