please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize