it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
