My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
