So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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