So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
