Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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