I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
