I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
