My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
