i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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