Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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