how can u be prego again
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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