He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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