I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
