I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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