Little spoons don't ask big questions
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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