So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
