Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
