Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
