mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
