i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
