i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
