i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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