I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
