my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
