Where is the hickey?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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